Archive for Election 2008

Meet the Candidates: Rudolph William Louis Giuliani (Update)

Okay, I was wrong. A week ago last Sunday I wrote this about Rudy Giuliani:

Giuliani’s single biggest weakness right now is his support for the occupation in Iraq and his continued support for neo-imperialist wars. This is almost certainly calculated to draw as many fundamentalists and industrialists to the primary polls as possible, but it’s a bit like shortening a baseball bat so you can swing it faster. By taking a position opposed by a good two-thirds of voters, he might as well give up now.

While anyone still supporting the occupation of Iraq is nearly as boneheaded as a Pachycephalosaurus, his main weakness right now is the fact that he is certifiably insane. While Giuliani was speaking about (read: lying about) the Democratic candidates’ foreign policies, he said: “Hillary and Obama are kind of debating whether to invite [Mahmoud Ahmadinejad and Osama bin Laden] to the inauguration or the inaugural ball.” Uh-huh.

To review, we have a paranoid-delusional Baptist minister, a “dumb as hell” actor, a senator with clear signs of senile dementia, and a simply idiotic serial monogamist running for the Republican nomination. So, Mitt, it’s up to you to make it a perfecta: might I suggest schizophrenia? Who knows, maybe receiving campaign advice straight from God will help.

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Meet the Candidates: Rudolph William Louis Giuliani

You may recall that, way back in February, I started a series on the presidential candidates. I’m afraid, dear hearts, that there’s only two more (Giuliani and Fred Thomson). Not because I’m leaving (deity-of-your-choice forbid!), but because Hilary Clinton is so far ahead of her competitors that the primary campaign might as well be over. But don’t worry, this one’s a doozy. Let’s meet Rudolph William Louis Giuliani, the election-postponing, national-security-endangering, flip-flopping, ball-dropping, child-abusing-priest-protecting, 9-11 exploiting, philanthropist-money-stealing, freedom-hating, waterboarding, Parkinson’s-patient-abusing, phony-phone-call-taking, free-speech-muzzling sonuvabitch with more ties to the mob than Mitt Romney has follicles.

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Quick Hit: My Dream Cabinet

Okay, like I said, updates have been sporadic lately; aside from finals, I’m in a back brace (enormous pain in the butt). So, in lieu of a weighty tome, allow me to jump way ahead of even the most speculative pundits, and propose a partial cabinet for the Democratic administration beginning in 2009 (I’m assuming a Clinton/Obama ticket):

  • Secretary of State | Bill Richardson (but, by the way, out here in the real West, people know that handguns are used only to kill people)
  • Secretary of Defense | Wesley Clark
  • Attorney General | John Edwards
  • Secretary of the Interior | Bobby Kennedy Jr.
  • Secretary of Health and Human Services | John Kitzhaber (and not just because he’s from Oregon)
  • Secretary of Education | Paul Evans (a little known Oregon State Senate candidate and professor from here in Salem)
  • Secretary of Veteran Affairs | John Kerry or Max Cleland
  • White House Chief of Staff | Mike Gravel

This leaves:

  • Secretary of Labor
  • Secretary of Agriculture
  • Secretary of Commerce
  • Secretary of Housing and Urban Development
  • Secretary of Transportation
  • Secretary of the Treasury
  • Secretary of Energy

which I’m not sure about yet.

(And, yes, I deliberately left out the Secretary of Homeland Security. That’s another, very long post.)

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La Raza=al Qaeda?

This is really confusing, and more than a little offensive. There’s an article in the Conservative Times that compares La Raza to al Qaeda, among other offensive drivel:

Barack Hussein Obama will join La Raza in honoring traitors Sen. Lindsey Graham, Rep. Luis Gutierrez, and Roger Cardinal Mahony. La Raza is perhaps one of the most, if not the most, anti-white, anti-West organizations on American soil. It certainly would rank up there with the Black Panthers and Al Qaeda.

Why exactly is Graham still in office? Are South Carolina voters really so ignorant? This Senator, from one of the most conservative states in the union, is catering to Mexican terrorists, and yet he is still running unchallenged in the 2008 primary?

First of all, the National Council of La Raza is not a terrorist group, no matter what those fat racists Limbaugh and O’Reilly think. Second, read the constitution before you accuse someone of treason: even I am careful with that (no, Bush is probably not a traitor). Finally, you lose the right to accuse anyone of racism when you define conservatism as “the survival and enhancement of a particular people and its institutionalized cultural expressions.”

a la Wonkette 

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Hillary ≠ Bill

I normally don’t talk like an obnoxious cheerleader, but right now it’s appropriate. Oh. My. God.

On Thursday, Meredith Vieira interviewed Barack Obama and asked him whether or not he will “make the personal issues of other candidates an issue in [his] race.” A decent question (though inane to anyone who has followed the squeaky-clean campaigns that Obama has previously run). The problem was the prelude:

There’s been a lot of discussion lately about the marriage factor and how that will play in the race. Rudy Giuliani, John McCain, Newt Gingrich — all married multiple times. Plus, Hillary Clinton has had her marriage troubles as well. [Emphasis added.]

Yes, Hillary has had numerous affairs while her spouse was crippled by a car accident, refused to pay even a tiny amount of alimony despite her multi-million dollar salary, and announced her divorce shortly after Bill was diagnosed with MS. Oh, no, wait, that would be McCain, Giuliani, and Gingrich, respectively. Hillary Clinton’s “marriage troubles” consisted entirely of taking back the man she married despite several affairs. Which proves, at worst, that she trusts her husband too much, and more likely that she loves him despite his flaws and believes that marriage is sacred. Can we have a little less misogyny and a little more truth from NBC, please?

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Former Governor Threatens Presidential Opponents

I’m used to mudslinging in politics. But it really takes balls to threaten to shoot your opponents. Former Governor Mike Fuc Nevermind. Not going to go there, it’s too easy. Mike Huckabee jabbed at the fact that Mitt Romney just joined the NRA, saying “I was the first governor in America to have a concealed carry permit, so don’t mess with me.” Just think what it will do for equality if we elect this guy: we will have the first paranoid-delusional president! A giant step for recognition of mental illness!

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Obama’s Like Me!

From Rolling Stone:

On a recent day, as Obama made his way through the Capitol’s corridors, his fellow senators seemed like good-natured sportscasters, jolly and easy with their power, bantering about the fortunes of baseball teams in their home states. Obama is aloof and quiet. He prefers to listen, attentive as a rector, not quite of this world, silently measuring it.

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